Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
