im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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