somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
