a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
