And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize