he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
