After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
