I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize