Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
