Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
