i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize