I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
do herpes really smell.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
