Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
