please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
