I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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