4 words: hood of his car
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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