she woke up with a sticky ear
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
