please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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