I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
