eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
