tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
