I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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