i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
