What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
