I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
