Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
