im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
