she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
