its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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