I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize