Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
