Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
