yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
