i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
