part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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