Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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