Whod you bang
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
