Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
