Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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