i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Pants are for mortals
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
