I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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