Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize