remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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