Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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