I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wish you could order shots online.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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