i think my mom watched the whole time
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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