I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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