Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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