you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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