you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
