it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Holy shit dude........stairs
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
