McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
