Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize