I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
