First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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