Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
