Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
