Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Enjoy the penises
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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