Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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