i don't like sucking hair
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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