Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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