apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
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