just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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