the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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