Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
