is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
