Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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