I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
