Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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