I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
