we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
