Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
