puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
