You can't special order awesome
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
