Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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