p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
